So much of what we aim to do in our interactions with others depends on our ability to communicate. Author Charles Duhigg’s recent book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, explores what it takes to be just that.
Duhigg suggests that we first remember there are three types of conversations:
Knowing which type of conversation you are having is helpful, and it’s also important for those in the conversation to agree on this. I can think of times when the other person thought it was a practical conversation while I thought it was emotional. Not the best outcome.
Duhigg stresses the importance in asking the right kind of questions. For example, in the Fast Friends experiment, a pair of strangers was instructed to ask each other 36 questions. The questions were personal and followed a process of escalating self-disclosure. People were prompted to ask about their beliefs, values and experiences. In other words, it was not just small talk. Seven weeks after the experiment, many of the participants had stayed in touch or at least attempted to do so.
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