Perepelkin is a livestock producer and a mother of four
With Mother’s Day approaching (don’t forget!), Farms.com has been connecting with moms in ag for their participation in a Q&A about all things motherhood.
Ashley Perepelkin (AP) looks after the livestock side of Perepelkin Farms in Condor, Alta., which also includes about 1,000 acres of grain her husband Andrew maintains.
Together they have four children – 4-year-old Sophia, 5-year-old Merrick, 9-year-old Warrick, and 10-year-old Grace.
“Grace is my cheerleader, because she’s actually in cheerleading,” Perepelkin says. “She’s soft, all about flowers and glitz and glam.
“Warrick is a go-getter. He started learning how to drive tractors at three years old, and last year he helped combine our entire crop with his dad. If there’s something I need done and it’s more of an adult job, he’s the one I ask.
“Out of the four, Merrick is my shy guy but is still very hands on to get things done. But lately he’s been kind of inside himself. We’re struggling a little bit with him right now, but I think once school is done, he’ll be his rambunctious self again.
“And Sophia is my wild child. She is everywhere, and fast, and sneaky, and doesn’t take “no” very well. She wants to be in a princess dress and in the mud at the same time. She is the most feral of all the kids.
Farms.com: Describe where you were when you found out you were pregnant for the first time. How did it make you feel?
AP: I was going to go out with a group of girlfriends, and Andrew suggested I take a pregnancy test beforehand. I did three tests. Two came back negative, and one had a line so faint we didn’t even know if it was there. I went out with my girlfriends for drinks, and I’d never been so sick in my entire life. I took more tests, and they still came back negative. Finally, after about a week of being sick I went to my doctor, who asked if I was pregnant. She did some bloodwork, and it turned out I was in fact pregnant.
It was a shellshock moment because I had some health concerns when I was younger, and I didn’t know if I was going to be able to carry a baby to term.
Farms.com: Describe the feeling of holding a newborn for the first time.
AP: My labour and delivery with Grace sucked. I went in about 11 days overdue, and had to get induced. She got lodged in my pubic bone, and when trying to vacuum her out was unsuccessful, I needed an emergency C-section. At this point I’d been in labour for about nine hours.
She was a few hours old before I held her, and once I started holding her, and nursing her and looking at her, I just instantly loved this human to the point where I was terrified I was going to mess everything up.
The Perepelkin family.
Farms.com: What’s the best part about being a farm mom?
AP: That my kids are free to be wild, and fearless, and to make mistakes. And when the grain truck comes and I see my kids starting to prepare the grain auger, you can’t help but be proud and feel lucky to give your kids that kind of knowledge and learning experience.
Farms.com: What’s the hardest part about motherhood?
AP: It’s all hard. I was formula feeding when there’s societal pressure to breastfeed. Each stage has its difficulties. The hardest part now is letting go. The older ones are having conversations with their friend groups, or things happen at school and I have to take a backseat to that.
Farms.com: What part of motherhood makes you feel the most vulnerable?
AP: The lack of control and having to hope the beliefs you’ve instilled or coping mechanisms you’ve taught your kids are the right ones. Finding the balance between being a parent but also being a friend they can come to if there’s an issue.
Farms.com: Who is your favourite fictional parent and why?
AP: Chief Tui and Sina from Moana. They’re trying to build what they think is right but also understand their daughter has to go on this journey. They might not like it, and it made them uncomfortable, but they still allowed her to go and trust she can handle it.
Farms.com: What’s a misconception people have about motherhood?
AP: A misconception that I had is that I would love every stage of my children’s lives. And I did not. From until they were born to about six months, I loved cuddling them and doing everything for them, but ultimately, I could put them down at my schedule. From six months to about three years old, when they’re exploring and getting into things, was by far the hardest stage because I no longer felt like I had any of my own independence, and that I was just at the beckon call of my kids. I loved them of course, but I didn’t love them.
Farms.com: What’s your mom’s name and what are some special memories you have with her?
AP: I am fortunate to have had two moms growing up. My biological mom is Brenda. She allowed me to dream, and was real with me about what it would take to accomplish that dream. When I told her I wanted to be a show jumper and be in the Olympics, she’d say let’s do it, and tell me about the work I’d have to put in to make it happen.
My stepmom’s name is Debbie. We didn’t have the best relationship growing up but when I was 18 or 19, I could have tough conversations with a lack of judgement that I didn’t feel I could get from my mom at the time.
I’m also fortunate that I have my mother-in-law, and her name is Josie. At times she was my biggest nemesis, but at the same time she’s been my biggest cheerleader from the moment I stepped onto the farm. She encourages and celebrates growth, and pulls the positives out of hard days. Like on the day she told us she was diagnosed with cancer, she told us that her diagnosis gets her an extra big slice of cake.
Farms.com: What’s one lesson you’ve learned you try to teach your kids?
AP: To be kind and accepting because you don’t know what people are going through. Holding the door open, or saying good morning to someone, has the potential to change someone’s day.
Farms.com: How has motherhood changed you?
AP: I feel more capable of handling situations.
Farms.com: What’s one thing all parents have in common no matter where they are in the world?
AP: We all think we’re doing a terrible job and at some point or another have messed up something.
What’s one piece of advice you have for new moms?
AP: Talk. Regardless of who you’re talking to, or what you’re talking about. I had really bad postpartum depression after Warrick, and I didn’t talk about it. Looking back I wish I had.